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It was a fine day.

The following conversation took place at a nice post call Tuesday morning with a patient.

Me : Dulu makcik kerja apa ya?
Pt : Dulu saya kerja kat jabatan perdana menteri..
Me : Ohh.. dah lama kerja ker?
Pt : Oh, sejak kecik lagi, u tak tau ker Prime minister you tu adik saya..
Me : -__-”

Me : *Cough cough*
Pt : You dah kahwin ker belum? *Smile*
Me : Belum ler makcik, saya kan muda lagi.
Pt : Saya dapat rasa you nak-kan keluarga la.
Me : Huh? Apasal pulak?
Pt : Saya kan dapat membaca apa yang you tengah fikir tu. You jangan takut, saya faham. Biasa laa kalau nakkan keluarga.
Me : -__-”

Me : *Cough cough*
Pt : You kena ambil ubat dari jabatan pertanian lah.
Me : Jabatan pertanian? Apsal pulak? Bukan ker dia orang tanam sayur-sayur, pokok getah…
Pt : Tak le. Tu la, you dah pandang rendah pada jabatan pertanian. Dia orang bikin ubat lagi kuat wooo..
Me : -__-”

Me : *Cough cough*
Pt : You tak tau ker suami saya kerja kat canteen kat bawah tu. Ni semua yang kita makan ni dia la yang masak!
Me : Oooo. Yea ker?
Me & Pt : ……..
Pt : You tak tau ker suami saya ada dua identity. Dia ada muka yang lain tapi hanya saya tau jati dia itu.
Me : Ooo.. Macam James bon?
Pt : Bukan, itu orang putih, kita orang melayu.
Me : Ooo.. Macam perisik?
Pt : Ahhhh Betul!

Open the case sheet.

Known case of - Schizophrenia.

But all patients share the same interest, be it you are mentally healthy or not.

Pt : Eh doktor… bila saya boleh balik?

*See I told you so*

Me : Kenapa nak balik? You duduk sini dapat makan makanan yang suami masak apa?!
Pt : Eleh. Balik rumah pun boleh makan..
Me : Tak sama la. Balik rumah you kena masak, cuci pinggan, tak relax la. Duduk sini relax sikit.
Pt : Eh, kalau malas cuci pinggan jangan jadik perempuan lah!
Me : LOL *sometimes PSY people have quite nice logic.*

Since today, the ward is full of neologism.

Belas love - belas kasihan

And suddenly everything got something to do with all of our prime ministers.

Pt : Dulu Abdullah nak tanah saya, tapi saya tak bagi. Itu kan hak milik jabatan betul tak?
Pt : Kalau tak dapat nak insaf, saya pun tak tau la nak tolong dia macam mana…

And bear in mind, she speaks english too! But that would be another post…

Apart from this schizo, the other attention seeking one is also worth mentioning.

Pt : Doktor, I got shortness of breath.
Me : (Pt not tachypnic). You don’t look breathless also. You are not breathing like *this* (as in I imitate the breathing*
Pt : *Imitating the same thing* Now I’m having shortness of breath.. huu haaa huuu haaa..
Me : What else you feel?
Pt : I think I got palpitation! Is like I’m having extra beat.
Me : Wait ah… (Pushed the ECG machine and did an ECG)..
Me : Auntie, all looks the same with the previous ECG leh..
Pt : If you don’t trust me then I can do nothing lah (piss off face, not tachypnic anymore, forgot to imitate d i think).
Me : No Auntie blablabla… trying to explain myself.

I got no idea that she suffered any mental illness until the next day.

Staff nurse : Patient semalam cakap dia nampak 3 orang kat luar tingkap tu tengah panggil dia laaa..

And I worked in the 4th floor. LOL.