blackpeanut.com

I remembered responding to some statement, that ‘it is too risky’, ‘it is like gambling’. But..

Life IS a gamble.

We thought we are building something solid, yet when one fine day, when it all got blown away, I wonder what is left to be treasured. I wonder how many times fighting spirit could be regenerated. I wonder how many times things grow back to be the same, or better, or worse. I wonder whether anybody really cares about things. I wonder whether I care enough. I wonder whether what is really important and what is not. I wonder it is me and this world and this sun and the moon, or it is me and you and him and her and we and they who is important. I wonder what defines my existence. I wonder whether I existed. I wonder whether I really existed. I wonder whether it matters. Crap.

In this life, I’m that main character, and the sun rise because of me, and the moon shines because of me.

It is quite conditional.

If this is so not significant, then why it means so much to think like me and you and him and her and we and they. If it is not significant, then why we strive and fight and stand strong and continue to be stubborn.

And if it is significant, then it doesn’t make sense, because I do not exist in the mind and place and time. If it is significant, then why it doesn’t withstand the time. If it is significant, then why nothing is done.

There must be some meaning.

So it is a gamble.

Whether it ever existed.

Whether I ever existed.

I noticed I do not have that shiny shield and armor, like a soft shell crab. And yes, it is quite empty inside too.

Maybe when stronger wind blows, I might see my core.

Thank you for reading this crap post. Have a nice day.