blackpeanut.com

Surgical posting is coming to an end. It is really something different. Something that really screw your mind. I do not feel the joy of finishing this posting yet. Maybe it all not yet sink in as I still have 4 days of work waiting and 2 days of eod calls for my fellow muslim friends.

Raya is coming. For those who like racing on the road, please think of your love ones. Stop that stupid behavior and try to spend more time doing beneficial things. While others, please keep your children in sight and lets all have a peaceful raya, without ICBs and MVAs.

Thank you!

Looking back at the date of my previous post, it is proven that indeed I’m getting lazier in posting up or writing up diaries. A good sign to show that the houseman is really working, a bad sign for myself that maybe I already lost some grip of my own life.

Anyway, had this conversation with my senior the other day. Will put it in another way.

Let’s say, there are production of 3000 units of goods per year to the market, and each year only less than 1000 production was chosen to be upgraded. When time goes by, there will be more and more production of left in the market. Each year they will always be a leftover of 2000 units, and the chance of being selected to be the ‘upgradable’ product decreases, first is 1 over 3, and the subsequent yer, 1 over 5 and 1 over 7 and so on.

This is exactly what it is happening in this profession.

First there are thousands of medical graduates. And then there are limited post graduate seats. And slowly we are filling up the ministry and filling up all those needs.

Even thou few months in the service, I do notice that what we actually lack of is experienced doctors. And the outcome of the health care most of the time depends on where you are and whether there is any specialist available.

Time later, it will be harder to get a chance to work in the places that we want because seats will be filled, there will be a surge of production and hospitals start to have choices. If we do not hold any special experiences, there are simply no reason why a hospital would prefer you rather than another doctor.

It is going to be tough.

A lot will be back log as MOs. A lot will struggle applying for masters. A lot will be disappointed as there are simply too many to choose from and the competition is tough. There must be an edge.

This is a sad phenomenon. Something has to be done.

There is an old indian auntie who always come in for chemotherapy. She said I look like her nephew (I got indian face?)

HO : Her branulla very hard to get. No veins d.
Grandma : Last time I was a regular donor. Now after radio all my veins become like this.
HO : You must keep this branulla properly you know. No more place to poke d.
Grandma : You must think positive laaa..

For those who can’t read chinese, hope this helps :)

I cherish,

when each night I have to fight for the blanket with my partner, it means he/she is not with another person.
when there is youngsters who only know how to watch TV and doesn’t know how to clean up the dishes, it means he/she is obediently sitting at home and not loitering outside.
I pay tax, because it means I have a job.
when the shirt becomes tighter, it means I eat well.
when my effort is covered by darkness, it means I am under bright sun (bright future).
when I have grass yet to be mowed, windows yet to be clean, drains yet to be fixed, it means that I have a house.
when I have all sorts of complains about the government, it means I was given the freedom of speech.
when I can only park my car far away from my destination, it means that I still can walk, and it means that I am lucky to have a car.
when I have expensive electric bill, it means that I enjoy my aircon.
when in the church, the people behind sounded so horrible, because it means that I still can here.
when there are lots of laundry to wash and iron, it means that I have clothes to wear.
when I’m all worn out and tired for one day’s work, it means that I’m dedicated to my job.
when I wake up because of that irritating alarm, it means that I’m still alive.
lastly, I cherish when I see my inbox filled up, because it means that there are lots of friends who will think of me.
I cherish.

On leave for 4 days.

The first thing i gotta do is to disable my 5 alarms on my iPhone so that I can wake up NATURALLY tomorrow morning.

And hopefully it rains tonight so that the pleasure of lazying in bed will be stretch to the maximum. Even thou I know that there is still a big chance that I automatically open my eyes and my limbs will jerk a bit at 6.30am and 7am respectively due to the habit but it is still going to be a good rest for me. Hopefully.

There are certain things that I hope to accomplish. And certain things which need to be done and hopefully the plans go according to line. Most importantly I hope there is no calls from the hospital during these 4 days. A call from anybody related to work this time would definitely upset the whole mood. Pray hard.

Going home for the first time after 2 and a half month! Would wanna drive my dad’s new car. And hopefully catch a movie with my family. Not very grand plan but these have to be carried out.

My list :

1. Disable my alarm.
2. Recharge my camera’s battery and clean my lenses.
3. Bring back all my laundry to wash!
4. Service the car.
5. Settle the movie list.
6. Learn a new tune, learn a new photography skill.
7. Make myself immune to my desires - like buying a new guitar, buying the iphone pod+alarm+radio, or buying anything at all.
8. Gotta chia parents makan -_-”

Most importantly, enough rest so that I can continue working for the Puasa month and later on cover during raya for my friends. Adios!

Working in the government sector is no easy job.

This idea strikes me even more when I see our ‘clients’ complain. Complain of the service, complain of the mistakes, complain of this and that. These are the reasons why I think private sector in health care is ABSOLUTELY needed.

Sometimes, people do not notice that they are getting the best out of so little money that they pay.

A job that deals with people all the time is not an easy job. People expect you to be in a good mood despite you have your own problem to deal with. People expect you to be VERY EFFICIENT despite you need to take care of A LOT more things other than that only one patient. People expect you to put up with your best smile, deal with their problems with utmost efficiency and professionalism when it is, in real life, almost impossible to be done. And no matter how much we do, we still get the same pay, so.. tell me a good reason if all of this is no other than doing this for the community and for you, as a Malaysian of my home country.

Recently I had this conversation.

Auntie : Aiya. The treatment is 2 days from now why you all didn’t tell earlier. Now I need to stay 1 day here already.
Me : Auntie, why you didn’t ask the doctor properly in the clinic.
Auntie : How I know wor. You all didn’t tell.
Me : Nevermind la, 1 day only me. You can rest here doing nothing what.
Auntie : What ah, I got a lot of things to do leh!
Me : For example?
Auntie : Looking after my grandchildren.
Me : Where is your son?
Auntie : At home la, but he gotta work.
Me : Where is his wife?
Auntie : At home la.
Me : Working?
Auntie : No la.
Me : Then? She kenot take care of the kids ah?
Auntie : No mar, my son thought I can go home today so he took off today ma. Now I can only go home tomorrow.
Me : Auntie, you are sick now, why you think of other people first? Tomorrow is not far away you know.
Auntie : No mar, I got a lot of things to do. I got 6 kids to look after you know.
Me : Auntie, when you children are small, you look after them. Now they big already, you look after their children. But now you are sick your children kenot even take another day off to fetch you home ah?
Auntie : ……..

And the same son came to hospital complaining about the same thing and the reason being that the mum gotta help out at home. So? It is a whole life for this lady to take care of other people, and nobody to take care of her?

There are more ridiculous thing.

Not to mentions occasions when I seriously think that the family just want the older one to die away easily. They thought that it is better to let their mum die with disease, rather than suffering from that operation which could ACTUALLY save their mum from dying, and living a lot more years compared to what she is suffering now.

Dying is easy if you think of a proper way to kill yourself.

Dying is hard when you let a disease kill you. I think it is going to be a long painful death. Imagine the face I have when after explaining for almost 30mins and lots of coaxing but the family members still refuse for operation. And on top of that, they don’t even take care of their mum. They send their mum back to the old folks home. And she has like what… 6 children?

So their best plan is to send their mum with disease, back to old folks home, and wait until the old folks home to ring them up and tell them their mum is dead? And a funeral with lots of tears I suppose?

I had explained that things will get nasty. Sooner or later it is going to be so bad that they will send her back to hospital. And BECAUSE I’m a government servant, because this is a government hospital, despite their crazy brains deciding not for any intervention at such a benign early stage, I told them ‘if there is any problem, please come back to us and we will see how we can help. Enter through emergency department’.

Guess what, she was sent back to hospital after a week. This time appearing in a worse condition. And family STILL choose not for intervention. I wonder why she is here in the ward in the first place??

百行德为首 万事孝为先

I think I wanna call my mum. Hmmph…

Sorry for my crappy headlines.

Attended my MOs wedding not long ago. Finally got time to sit down and upload these pics (using up my postcall pm off time). Sigh. Time is seriously what I need during this posting. Lack of sleep yet would want to utilize the time properly. It seriously can be quite a big dilemma by itself, especially for me who doesn’t really put much priority in the word ’sleep’.

Anyway, it was a wonderful wedding since I got to see my ex-bosses who I seldom bump to nowadays. Even thou there are only limited familiar faces around, I guess it is still quite ‘productive’.

King and Queen of the day.

One thing with Malay wedding would be it is a big crowd and good get around for everybody, not as elaborated like the Chinese wedding. Well, I’m not new to this but it gives me a chance to have a look at the so called ‘kampung’ in Melaka.

We are all getting older by time, but there are still so many things to struggle with. Struggle with money, with future plans, with whatever it is that we are trying to achieve. Remember all those nice dreams that I would want them to happen when I grew up, and now when I’m at that stage, they are all quite hard to be achieved. Everything need planning, planning and planning. And of course, along the way, pick up some skills and ditch some bad habits. Somehow in the end I can only hope that I wouldn’t end up too bad.

The boss.

The 3 girls that I went to the wedding with. Haven’t been seeing Ain for quite some time haha. Imagine, same hospital, yet seldom bump into each other. That basically describe the whole working life.

Hopefully we will seriously smile all the way through this.

A quoted story from my fren karen when she was doing rounds. I was probably running around doing other things ;p

Got this old auntie who got admited to the ward, bedridden, cachexic n demented.

She seldom talk but that day…

HO & MO : (doing something in the background, few other housemen around her bed).
Grandma : Wah, so many ppl around me… (in Hokkien)
Grandma : Half of them human… Another half of them.. Haih i dowan to say lah (in Hokkien).

Who is the another half ah????? Huhuhuhu…

There are always demented patients saying they see small kid playing with ball around the ward…

Wonder whether it is the wonder of the brain, or the wonder of the world.

Where should I go?

What should I be?

All these questions seem easier to be answered before this. And it seems rather hard to answer them now…

I think it has been sooooo long since I actually write something here. Had been busy most of the time, adapting to the new demanding department, and at the same time, still trying to adapt now.

Entering surgical department is definitely an experience worth sharing. It is a place which the old school houseman training is still on the go. We have to be in ward as early as 6.30am (still considered late by surgeons), review our patients deep down to the details of how many piece of bread they eat and how much water they drink, and start the whole tedious rounds until late afternoon, complete the orders, and another round during the afternoon, and if we are lucky, it ends a bit later than 5pm, but if not, drags till 7pm, and later on a short dinner before yet another round of reviews, and night round, and if lucky, get my ass back to my room by 10pm, and if not, at least around 12am.

It is a department who seldom show signs that we are appreciated by the seniors.

It is a department where when you are in it, people will automatically understand why you have a stress face.

It is a department where you train urself to do things efficiently, fast and effective, and if you are up to the game, push urself to become more and more efficient.

Even thou it seems all sober and sad, but i do find something nice during this whole time and it comes from our clients.

They see us get screwed, they see us trying to be better, they see us struggle and in the end, when they got to leave home healthily, most of the time we get words of thank you, a friendly shake from the old auntie, or the grateful eyes of the family members. Even thou those moment doesn’t last long, but at least, it is something to soothe my already stressed up mood for the whole day. It is AT LEAST a bit of something.

No matter how busy, I think when I’m thinking back about all these experience later, I will still laugh about it with all my ward-mates who had been covering each others’ asses all the time. I think by the end of the day, this is exactly like what the bosses said, there is no compromise for such trainings, and it is a must.

Taking off this week end. Hopefully the coming weeks will be peaceful ones and hopefully I get through surgical without much hassle. And most important, I hope I could still maintain this blog as a place where I complain and hopefully, serves as a very good diary when I grow older later.

Hope that the host will still be there for this website. Haha.

Would want to post up second batch of Vietnam pictures and some nice places that I discovered in Melaka lately. Laters.

Woke up for breakfast and lunch, with another 6 HO. Quite good numbers right? Haha.. Too bad Karen sleeping :P

Later on went for paparazi tutorial with Gan.

A very sexy shot? LOL.

And pass over the panning technique to Gan.

Went kite-ing once again.

A very good chance to pick up photography again at where I left off. Tons to do but no time to accomplish. Damn.. I shall start putting deadlines for myself. Summon to pay, bills to pay, blablabla.. Hate adult life la, should have go back to kids and just play and be happy with simple things (just ranting).

Up & downs. These are just up & downs. One day later I wouldn’t even remember what I felt today.