blackpeanut.com

Currently having my end posting leave.

2 years of hardship. I’m happy that it ends well. At least at the end of these 2 years, I do not feel tired, angry, or unsatisfied but exactly the opposite, I felt happy, contented, satisfying. This means that I actually worked well, that I spent my energy and time doing something which matters, and hopefully all those that I have touched is healthy and living.

Chose orthopedic as my future carrier. The reason is not because I think orthopedic is easy, but in contrary to others, I think that it is challenging, more practical, with very significant outcome, and of course, a very satisfying job as well. Not to mention that it is always doing what you see, and physics has always been one of my favorite subject.

And lucky enough, I got into the department. Starting on 17th of Sept.

Hopefully I perform well.

And hopefully, I’m gifted.

Thus the new category in the blog - as an MO.

Today is actually the day which will determine where I will go, what I will be, and what lies ahead of me for the 2 coming years, or probably the rest of my life.

I hope the decisions made by my bosses are correct. Maybe at this point I’m still unsure of whether I had want the correct things for myself and my life, but I hope the world works it own way in showing me what I am capable of. Like every stories out there, my story will have me as the center point.

Let’s hope for the best.

And for a selfish human being like me, may my choices and wishes be granted.

And in a bigger picture, may you all help me to make it happen.

Sadhu.

Basically it is a day full of drama for me.

First of all in the morning there was this guy who got into a motor vehicle accident and left half of his face dangling out, exposing his fractured mandible and maxilla. Damn. Well, it is not that I never see much injuries, but injury to such extend of exposing most of the inner anatomy is rare.

And today got a baby brought in dead. Sigh.

And there was this psycho/meningoencephalitic pt who gone wild and shouted like hell in the ED. Well, maybe this is very common, but I have to bring the ‘baju org gila’ with me to secure him during CT scan (at the same time sedating) him and later on, despite the restrain, managed to free himself and ran around the ED in a full circle! Of course all MAs started chasing him and luckily he was stopped before exiting thru the entrance. So today I managed to do some exercise and run around the territory.

Hmm.. I think i’m not good in sharing experiences.

But however it will be my own experience LOL.

Lazy to type. Wanna sleep. Tmr will be another interesting day of an ED houseman.

Another thing that I do not have talent in, but luckily didn’t end up the last! More stress is same team with big boss.

Think it is time to buy a flash.

First of all, it is a long long hiatus of my blog. I know. I am sorry. Was influenced by the facebook addict thingy so kinda try to live more ‘live’ version of my life rather than going online. But still can’t deny that the online thingy is still the best way to keep in touch with friends abroad and etc.

Secondly, congrats to all my juniors who just graduated not long ago. You all made it till this day and it proves to other people and most importantly to yourself that it is long hard years and you have survived, so nothing in the future, would be probably harder than this.

And of course, there are more to come. More politics and knowledge, and of course in this field, more experience to gain and now we are on the same level, gaining more clinical experiences and making each day more meaningful for yourself and others.

Fuiyoohh.. last update was last month. Almost half a month till this post. I’m blogging lesser day by day.

Anyway, I’m in new posting now. My last. The Emergency department. So far so good. Am learning and hopefully much knowledge will be retained and I can utilize it now and in the future. Working shifts is okay. Getting use to it and hopefully everything goes well and I don’t do much mistakes.

Read an article recently from ‘the confession of a facebook addict’. Can’t help to agree that we are indeed hanging on to the virtual socializing thingy more than the real time real life thingy. But the benefit of facebook still can’t be denied. It helps a lot of people keep in touch, and a lot of gatherings can be organized that way.

But I think, if people could control and set their priorities right, a lot of things can still be done in real life. Each day counts.

Would like to double check on my current hobbies and wants:

1. Guitars - a stagnant period. The computer doesn’t have a sound card yet so the lagging of 0.2secs of my guitar sound is not making me play with my guitar.

2. Any other hobbies are also in stagnant phase. The Canon’s USB wire is not functioning good so it would be some time till I get a wire (actually just need to stop by one of the nearby shop) and I’ll be uploading more photos.

3. Studies - also kinda stagnant. My current job involves me being mobilized around the department when the case comes so I can’t just sit and read. It doesn’t work that way. It is either read at home and utilize at work or nothing at all. And the up coming ortho exam is still there and I can’t decide whether to join in or not. There are a lot to be studied and a lot to be remembered.

4. The need to move out is coming by. 2 years off and I will need to get a new place to stay. But the thing is I wanna make sure that I’ll be retained in Melaka first before really scouting for a new crib. Hard right. Hopefully everything will be known by July and my hunt for a new place can begin. Hopefully this will be my 2nd piece of property as well. And on top of that, had been keeping track with some availability around the hospital. But failed to view one of the available apartment today. Will fix a date next week ;)

5. Keeping track with stock prices.

6. Keeping track with bank accounts and expenses. I should seriously spend less! If not, I’ll be going for expensive dinings and lunch all the time. Duh, stupid me.

Anyway, had been a great time till now. Hopefully good luck continues!

The common usual topics among us nowadays is most of the time about this near future that would come to us soon. Well, the change from HO to MO is definitely a big one. Change of working environment, working time, responsibility, and colleagues.

Those MOs that you like might become your closer friends because now you are moving up the rank. But at the same time, those MOs that you dislike, will also become closer friends.

It is not surprising, that people discuss on what kind of MO they will become in the future. Well, we have our own views on them as we work we them day in and out, and with that comes a lot of conflicts, contrast of interest and etc.

So what kind of MO that I would hope to work with as a HO.

1. Some one who knows what he is doing.

Treating comes with experience. That I know. And it needs a lot of training and continuous ‘upgrading’ to make sure you are doing the correct thing. And with time, hopefully we all will learn the correct thing and act correctly upon it. It is always a joy to work with an MO who knows his job well, when his decision is almost ultimate and specialists usually agree to, and covers most of the basis.

I will not mind if this kind of MO orders a numbers of investigations because I know that each of them have basis, and it is for the well being of the patient even thou it means that I need to take a lot of blood or maybe the need to do an ECG or ask for blood transfusion or CT brain in the middle of the night because I see sense in it, and then the sense of responsibility comes in, so the job wouldn’t be too dreadful.

BUT, if certain investigations are carried out just to fulfill the MO’s curiosity, or things that simply doesn’t make any sense, that it would definitely leave a bad impression behind.

A good decision maker is a definite one, and the one who can explain their doings when they are questioned or judged.

2. Definitely definitely and definitely someone who is polite.

Don’t show off. If you are not the ultimate specialist then don’t show off too much. Few months a head of a junior batch of MO does not necessarily means that you are more capable. And most importantly, if you don’t even act politely in front of the patients, don’t be angry with your HO says that you are an ass hole. I met one today, and I know working with him in the future wouldn’t be too good.

And of course besides all that, it is a good quality by not having ‘fits’. You know what I mean.

3. Some one with an acceptable level of patience.

Well, not saying that MO need to be very patient but it is definitely a good quality if they can take a deep breath, stand back, and take some time to explain on things that HO might not know, even thou it might be something undergrad or what but well, not everybody remembers everything.

I think as a HO, I do not really require my MO to be close like a friend or anything like that but at least these listed qualities are kinda important to me.

Well, when the time comes, hopefully I’m what I want to be. Well, it is not a wish, because I’ll put action into it.

I think when people grow up, they make more sense of more things, and perhaps have more senses to feel more things as well.

I did never feel this much feelings and emotion last time. Or perhaps maybe I felt them but didn’t take note or simply when time passes, I forgot.

At this age, I think my only fear is time, that if it passes too quickly and I would have loss the ability and power to control my own destiny and shape my own dreamt-of future.

A long hiatus since I last blogged. But in real life out of the internet, I think mine is still a pretty interesting life. I enjoy feeding one of the kid (patient in the ICU) beehun goreng when I was oncall the other day because I was there when he can’t eat at all, till today - eating a little bit too much. He is 2.5 years old. And I enjoy playing with that skinny Indian girl in the ICU, chasing her around the nurses table as if I can’t run, and teaching me all sorts of bad indian words. She is 7 years old, and few months ago, she can’t even walk. The nurses would be quite happy if I can force few extra pieces of ayam down her throat. She is such a picky eater. Her arm’s diameter is almost only the width of my 3 fingers coming together.

As much as I dread to go to work in the morning, but I enjoy seeing kids. Fatherhood building up maybe. LOL. A bit early for that.

I had a week in the hospital daycare as well, seeing kids with leukemia, thalassemia and all sorts of crazy malignancies that you, even thou knowing the answer to this question, would still like to question God why they deserve that. I kinda come to a conclusion that bad bad diseases most of the time happen to really bad families. As if poverty wasn’t enough, a sick child would still come and challenge the brains and emotion of these parents. A kid with haemophilia, a kid with Down’s syndrome, a kid with ALL, can’t even imagine the burden in the parents’ head.

Can’t do much but to whisper to them that they are good fathers and mothers, and their kids are just as bright and cute as others. And that they are doing a good job, bringing them for regular follow ups and transfusion. And sometimes would just reassure them that it is not the length of life that matters, but the quality n love given.

In this life we cannot always do great things. But we can do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa

On a lighter note, I’m finishing my paediatrics posting in a week time. Moving on the A&E. Hopefully it is going to be fun.

For these passed 4 months, I guess I had enough of upgrades. Bought a computer (desktop) and a 32 inch LCD tv as monitor, some books, some shirt n shorts, so I think it is enough of spending for me for the time being. No more bombastic gadgets (even thou am thinking of getting an electric guitar TODAY) but nevermind la, it can wait.

Gonna treat my mum to some buffet dinner today for Mother’s day. Hehe.

Happy mother’s day to all!

Up to certain extend, I love to experience things first hand. It is like people who not yet watch a movie and like other people who already did that to keep quiet, I will do minimal surveying, and if can, experience the whole process by myself, as the first time, without any help, so that I can know what I’ll do, which path I’ll end up choosing, and how is the outcome.

First time sitting for some external exam this is, and it is great experience I think. I reached there early, experienced the insomnia the day before, found the venue (2nd time going to UM) found my name, and finished the paper as it is. Even thou I would very much hoped that I have passed it and could experience OSCE instead but that didn’t happen.

The paper was tough, up till the extend that even if I would have 1 more month to prepare, I wouldn’t have cover those things that they asked.

So, it did roughly give me and idea of what they are looking for and what they expect from us. All and all, is a good experience, and I’ll be more prepared next time.

if it is nobody other than you.

Sometimes I do think that being in this profession is underrated. Too many decisions to make, to many details to look for out and of course, if small things are missed or done wrongly, end result could be fatal.

Practically if you choose to be a doctor then you can wave bye bye to your any existing happening social life or whatsoever.

First of all you will work earlier than other people, come back later than normal people, will never get much weekends off, and most of all, the tedious tiring on-calls. Try to sleep 4 days to do a week’s job and do it repetitively like forever if you are in this job and you will know what i mean. Having 3 oncalls in a week is not something new anyway.

And there is the stress to please everybody, your boss, your seniors, your peers, your juniors, your lab technician, your patients, your patient’s parents, your patient’s cousins, your patient’s grandparents, your patient’s great grandparents, your patient’s unrelated frens, your patient’s aunties and uncles, the media, the ministry, the hospital, the visitors, the janitors, the PPK, the nurses, THE EVERYBODY! People expect from you, is utmost professionalism, which sadly i think need to come by time and training?

And when time goes by, because the decisions you make are effecting more and more on the outcome that you have to start opening books, start studying, start paying attention, start discussing, start brainstorming, start worming in the books, start blaming urself for having bad memories, start to be paranoia with all the details and worst of all, start hallucinating veins and arteries and signs and symtoms.

Sometimes I do think of other job which doesn’t involve me communicating with another human being in the much direct way, or my mistakes do not cause much problems, like a computer technician, teacher, part-time tutor, software programmer, musician, professional gamer, waiter in the McD, or owner of a small restaurant, or a kiosk or 7-eleven, some supermarket supervisor or something. Things would be pretty easy and life would be less stressful with less guilt.

But to bad, who will do this job, if it is not me.